Communication Breakdown

DICTIONARY FOR FEMALE PERSONAL ADS

"40-ish" - 49

"Beautiful" - Pathological liar

"Emotionally Secure" - on medication

"Contagious Smile" - Does a lot of pills

"Free Spirit" - Junkie

"Fun" - Annoying

"New Age" - Body hair in the wrong places

"Open Minded" - Desperate

"Outgoing" - Loud and Embarrassing

"Passionate" - Sloppy drunk

"Professional" - (5 letter word that starts w/ B)

"Wants soul mate" - Stalker

WOMENS ENGLISH
1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. "We need" = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = of course I'm upset, you moron!

10. You're very attentive tonight = Is *** all you ever think about?

MENS ENGLISH

I am hungry = I am hungry

I am sleepy = I am sleepy

I am tired = I am tired

Nice dress = Can I kiss you?

I'm bored = Can I kiss you?

May I have this dance? = " "

Can I call you some time? = " "

Want to see a movie? = " "

Can I take you to dinner? = " "

Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally...

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on the time of month.
For example, when a woman is ovulating, she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However, when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in gasoline set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump up his backside.