Thursday, April 09, 2009

Communication Breakdown

"40-ish" - 49
"Beautiful" - Pathological liar
"Emotionally Secure" - on medication
"Contagious Smile" - Does a lot of pills
"Free Spirit" - Junkie
"Fun" - Annoying
"New Age" - Body hair in the wrong places
"Open Minded" - Desperate
"Outgoing" - Loud and Embarrassing
"Passionate" - Sloppy drunk
"Professional" - (5 letter word that starts w/ B)
"Wants soul mate" - Stalker

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. "We need" = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I'm upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = Is *** all you ever think about?

I am hungry = I am hungry
I am sleepy = I am sleepy
I am tired = I am tired
Nice dress = Can I kiss you?
I'm bored = Can I kiss you?
May I have this dance? = " "
Can I call you some time? = " "
Want to see a movie? = " "
Can I take you to dinner? = " "
Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally...

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on the time of month.
For example, when a woman is ovulating, she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However, when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in gasoline set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump up his backside.

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