Sunday, November 26, 2006

Thoughts to Consider While Pondering Whether to Think Them

Is it just me or is there a remarkable similarity between the footage J. Kerry had shot of himself in Viet Nam and the famous "Bigfoot" film ? Has Kerry and Sasquatch ever been seen together ? I know he's been seen with several endangered species like the "North American Democratous-Liberalis", but can we say for sure that he isn't in fact the large footed primate that roams the great northwest ? No wonder why Medved wants to find one.

Popular bumper sticker in any township in Mass.
"I voted for Kerry 57 times and all I got was 6 more years of his crap"

The "Cut and Run Conservatives" might help destroy this country as we know it, but I sure do feel smart standing next to one. Have your picture taken with one today. Before they wise up.

Commercial I'd like to see:
"Please give to 'Ronald McReagan House'.
'The way home, for the Conservative soul'

Hey cnn-jazeera ! The next time you're giving air time to our blood enemies, why don't you try identifying their leader like this ? "And now a word from the 'supreme commander of the killers that hide amongst women and children' ."
Oh ya, you're cnn.

always remember
"It's not the act of speaking that makes the first amendment sacred. It's the act of spilling ones blood to protect it that is."

Forget "Ways and Means", I wouldn't trust Charlie Rangel with curds and whey.

The next time your liberal pal is whining about "big oil" giving out "golden parachutes" just tell him/her that "Demonizing oil execs never filled a starving gas tank".

The Pentagon commissioned a project to develop a "scum seeking" bullet. They had to put the kybosh on the whole thing though once they realized it could never be safely demonstrated before an audience of politicians.

I went down to the pet store the other day to get a new Bombiranian. Man, when that thing "Goes" around the house, it takes the whole house with it ! It was like, "Nice doggy, nice" tic tic tic BOOM !

Just in case you were wondering why, even with their willing accomplices in the press, al qeda and the taliban don't have conventional press conferences. Actually, they do. It's just that no one has survived one yet. They always end with a real bang.

Liberal idea of a profundity: "Remember, 'integrity', 'honor' , 'courage' etc. are just ideas a bunch of dead white guys came up with, so don't bother chasing after them."

Here's a story you might see in the future (in h. clintons' dreams that is): Obama Found Dead in Car
Possible Democrat Presidential candidate and veteran of 2 full years in the Senate, Barak Obama, was found dead in the back of his limo. "Everwone thought he wuz blest wit' charisma. Toins out he wuz coised wit' 'car-asthma'." Said witness, James Carvell. "No I don't know notin' ! I jes hapnid on da seen afta he wer moided......Gimme dat cam'ra ya'all rotwing conspiatah ! OooooWE !!! You gon be in sum fine taisin' gumbo boy, ya hear ?"
That's it from Vegas. "Who gets snuffed here, Gets buried here" 2spot

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Leftwing "Utopian Healthcare" of the Future

Welcome to "Mengele, Elders & Weaselthaw" where we aim to please. Even if you don't know what's good for you, we guarantee that you will recieve the appropriate care as is necessary for your specific, individual, group or sub-section of your groups tendencies.
Whether it's cryogenics - Dr. Weaselthaw, "We'll keep you on ice until your specific group is needed for a very special and fulfilling task to better the whole !"...To partial birth reconstructive surgery - Dr. Mengele, "I like to poke things !"
Ah yes, the good good "Dr. M" is a man of few words but we guarantee that he is very articulate with his instruments and is rightfully known as, "Our own little pre-emptive strike against undsirable personallity/appearance traits." Not to mention his fine work in our prenatal Jewfinder militia. He's doing excellent work there sparing the poor, inferior hebe from a life of suffering before he is captured by the state and "cleansed" for his own good. We're all about compassion here at M.E.W. laboratories.
Come along. Let me show you around.
Shhh. Here is where Dr. Elders briefs possible parents who still have the right to choose if they will have the state designated maximum of one child...lets listen in...
Dr. Elders, "Our terminal birth center only deals with pregnancies that are malignant. A malignant pregnancy being one that will in fact result in a....(whispers) a borneded child....I'm sorry...just the thought of that happening is a bit much for me to handle. Well, anyway, before you get to that point there are some mandatory requirements you must first meet. The males of your state managed couplings will be instructed in a series of 'Tybo' style Fertilizer Expulsion Exercises. Remember,our nurses assistant, Gerta Jurgens, will NOT release you until she has extracted your FEEs! guffaw guffaw! You must also commit to memory the words of the hit song, "There aint nothin' wrong,
With just you and a bottle of wine"
While that is happening. the female unit will be enjoying several extended lectures from gifted speakers like, but not limited to: Naomi "All hetero sex is Rape" Wolff, Gloria "How dare you call me a lady !" Steinem and the corpse of Molly Yard. All of whom, illustrate some of the more horrofying results of male/female 'inter-co-knockin'theboots-alingus' (as oldfashioned, biological mating has come to be known by the enlightened set). The highlight of which is a splendid slideshow of seemingly well adjusted young people who are captured by secret camera doing everything from buying an S.U.V. to participating in small arms fire training and in one instance, actually voting Republican ! If that doesn't sway the potential baby makers, they are treated to in person tales from the parents of these "Cruel jokes by Mother Earth" and future "Super late-term abortion candidates" (when Hillary finally re-takes her rightful place in the Whitehouse and installs Bill as the new Chief Justice of the Supreme Court that is).
Also, for the children who were "willed" to "Mengele, Elders and Weaselthaw", we have some pleasant cartoons starring the very entertaining and colorful Dr. Pumpenstein who takes them through some very fun "mutual exploration" games. Dr. Elders. "I mean hey, it's not like it's nothin' they aint gonna do anyhow. We all gotta die a sumthin'. Why not let it be self abuse ? G. Dub just gonna get us all kilt anyhow so ya'all might as well 'njoy yaselves ! Eh he, eh he, eh he..."

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Stoned free musings (really)

I was listening to Laura today and started laughing so hard that I lost consiousness. I tell ya, old, advice giving jewish ladies really crack me up. Anyway, next thing I knew I was spinning in circles mumbling, "Help me Mr. Wizard,Help me !" This event apparently transported me through time and definitely into looney land. Here's some of what I saw......

Michael J. Fox was the star of a big jamboree for people whose shortcomings had been cloned away. He and President Hillary, on whose shoulder his head had been grafted while he awaited "adjustments" to his new body, were about to lite the kindling at the bottom of a bonfire placed beneath the bound and gagged super patriots, Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh. Fox spoke. "With this flame, it is passed into law forever and all time, that the 'New and Improved Fairness Doctrine' will be enforced with fire. If anyone convicted under the new 'Anti-Insensitivity' statutes, passes the fire test, they will be free to go. 'Free to go' into the stoning room that is !!!" The crowd roared and swung their many (mutated from failed cloning experiments) limbs around in approval. Just then, 2spotlefty stormed the stage with a buck knife, a fire extinguisher, and a copy of the constitution.... Well, you see how it's going. I saved the day. Got the girl.Yeah me. Blah blah blah

Then, it was sometime in 2009. After the dems had taken ALL offices of government, right down to your dogcatcher.
There was a big signing ceremony for the "We'll Always React Really Really Fast to Attacks on America Act of 2009". President Clinton, "With the signing of this legislation, I have made it possible for all government emergency agencies to immediately begin discussing a plan for how to deal with the fact that Los Angeles is in flames...No applause...please hold your aplause until I finish. These regulations also allow for congress to make a proposal about what to do with Chicago when the 'half life' of the contamination, from our muslim brothers last expression of political disagreement has expired. I look forward to seeing you all next week when our Surgeon General, John Edwards, unvails the results of his promise to make Chris Reed rise from the grave and walk again."

Also in the future, our energy problems are solved when a Stanford phyisicist, successfully connects giant turbine engines, to the spinning corpses of our forefathers.

The big winner at the "Balsys" (the nickname for the annual, "Ted Kennedys, Profiles in Chutzpah" awards show) was once again, Bill Clinton. He also got a lifetime achievment award for his work rewriting the history books for all grades of school.

Future news story: In what is being hailed as a bold move, the entire republican party has converted to the Nation of Islam. Pollsters confirm that it is now a stone cold lock, The GOP won't win a single race. But not one person in the media will say anything critical about them anymore. Former speaker Hastert, "I think it's a win win."

Enough absurdities, I'm gettin' a catscan.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

All the Wishy that's fit to Wash

With all of the absurdity that's going on in the world, here's some of the possible news stories.

The AP reported today that the estate of Ayn Rand has siezed on the opportunity presented by all of the "Cut and Run Conservatives" demanding perfect, conservative candidates or they'll hold their collective breath until the congress turns blue.

"I'm just so happy that I can finally unload this thing" said Harry Binswanger, the current man in charge of publishing for the estate. "It's her worst work I must admit but it's got her name on it and there is clearly a new huge segment of the public that have aquired a taste for this sort of thing."
The book,"we the stupid", is the tale of a man, who after experiencing the success of Rands' previous novel's characters in Atlas Shrugged, decides to drop out of the scene and contemplate the full force of his one man "shrug" at the world, which is caused by America not signing the Kioto Accords. Basically, life goes on and the man, Howard Doark, fades into oblivion after getting a real bad neck ache. (I know there were no "accords" even when she died in 1982. I am using my "absurdic license") END

On Monday, Jesse Jackson stormed the grand opening of a new "Ruths' Criss" steakhouse by Rush Limbaugh with requests that Rush debate him on the relative merits of dining at the new steakhouse as opposed to eating at "Red Lobster". Suddenly and inexplicably, Mr. Jackson shouted, "So, ARE YOU A 'STEAKIST' MR. LIMBOW !?!" Rush: "No sir, I am not." This exchange prompted the NY Times to publish a story with the headline,"Limbaugh to Great Civil Rights Leader,'I THOUGHT YOU GUYS LIKED CHICKEN' " Their blog on the incident was headlined with, "Limbaugh uses 'N-word' in Attack on Great Civil Rights Leader". The content of these stories did not mention their own headlines, but they did include the launch codes for several hundred American I.C.B.M.s and there exact locations with diagrams, "Google Maps" links and the fone number to the local Ryder "Gargantuan Flatbed" Rental outlet. Mr. Limbaugh, unbelievably, had no comment in response to the Times. END

The person scheduled to be the house majority leader early next year, Nancy 'Pulloutsi', unvieled the democrat partys' new slogan.
"We're the Left, Snuffing Out Intellectual Diversity From the Halls of Congress, to Every College Campus and Movie Theater and TV Station and Highschool Class and Jr. High and Elementary and Preschool Playground and Library in Existence !"
Pulloutsi, "I love the way it rolls off my tounge !"

Hollywood got in on the act with one of their own. Michael J. Fox (still recovering from vicious attacks by conservatives who had previously launched into personally targeted diatribes like "Uh uh" and "That's not correct" in response to Mr. Fox's pleas for them to stop the mass murder of his fellow handycapables) warmed up (backstage before the proceedings) with several manuevers on the parallel bars and a very impressive speed metal style tap dance routine. Then, as he approached the mic, his disease kicked in and he had to be rolled out to the unvieling. He held up a simple, hand made sign, that looked as though it had been made by a guy with little or no muscle control. "9r8g598uyhgbhk8tyn 3hv" is all it said. His personal translator translated," This is MJ Fox - I Make it Up, Then You Decide". END

Early yesterday, representatives from the moderate republicans, "Cut & Run Conservatives" and the MSM signed a compact, promising to get along for ever more. The agreement, called "The Proxy of the Duped", is being hailed by everyone who was there, as a landmark achievement in the cause to get along. A spokesman for the MSM said, "Wow ! Can you believe how mother$!%*!ing stupid those guys are ? I mean, WOW !!!" A spokeman for the "C&RCs" said, "NO! I ain't leavin' til I get me some grubb ! Hey sissy boy, what does 'proxy' mean anyhow ?" When a leader of the "moderate republicans" was sought, they scattered or hid in the bathrooms, hoping no one would notice, until it was all over and they could come back to see what they had signed so as to know what to say in their press release to be issued the following day. END

I wish I could type better. Haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet ! Will try again tommorow, 2spot -over and out...

Sunday, November 05, 2006

More Great Humor from Camp that gave us JF Kerry

With humor this sharp, who needs crippling,mind altering depression ?

Saturday, November 04, 2006

YouSee-BS Evening News

YouSEE-BS Evening News

Tonight on the youSEE-BS evening news fraudcast: Madonna "liberates" her child; New controversial Iranian infomercial; What were they going to call the I-Pod, originally ?; Sen. Harry Reid accepts numerous accolades/awards from guess who ?

And much much more. But first, a word from some capitalist lacky:

Can't make it to the beheading ? Something happened on the way to the genecide ? Well, worry no more my devilish friend because we have the answer to all of your attrocity coordinating delemas, it's, GO TO EVIL LAIR !TM When you want to cause horror and mayhem but just can't get there, remember the first name in events unsane,it's always, GO TO EVIL LAIR !TM
Say you're raping a young kidnapped starlet but, Oh Darn ! They're holding the mass execution at the same time ! Fret no more my strangely groomed friend because you have, GO TO EVIL LAIR !TM
"I saw it at work with my own eyes ! My dear freind, Mr 'Shmussein' I'll call him, used it all of the time ! Whether there was a beheading in B--dad, a hand removal in B--ra, a de-tounging in T-krit or a genecide in the K--dish region, it was as if he was right there enjoying those moments in all of their splendor and 'dying color' ! All while raping one of our, er um, his countries poor unfortunate victims of a targeted and very tragic 'suicide'. Wink wink,nudge nudge, you know what I mean ? Man I tell ya, that 'Shmadaam' really knew how to party." Eason J. CNN, Georgia

So always remember, and don't forget, despots on the go and cave hopping terrorists alike never go crazy, they, GO TO EVIL LAIRTM
GO TO EVIL LAIR is a product of Oil For Bombs inc. which is a subsidiary of Go-Tell-It-On-The-U.N. Industries

And now, tonights spews:
First up, as has been the pattern with liberal icons who rip the Bush administration to shreds, Harry Reid today was honored with a library dedicated in his name by G. Bush #41 and recieved the first ever, "You are the greatest human being that has ever lived" award from George W. himself. The latter ceremony included the unveiling of a marble statue in the apparent likeness of Sen. Reid in the stance of holding the entire world on his shoulders.
The President smiled politely as Sen. Reid responded to all of the well deserved tributes with a small statement of facts. "This President is a blight on humanity. I predict that he will eventually preside over the total destruction of the Earth itself. Oh yeah, and thanks for the statue or whatever you stupid loser !"
A fox news attackdog reporter was heard to say, "But..." just before he was knocked unconscious and arrested for assaulting Senate royalty, uh, the attempted assassination of a sitting US Senator.

In other news, the worlds greatest entertainer -next to Babs that is- Madonna, has decided to do the right thing and free her child from her own motherly grip, returning her to the soveriegn in which she was born. Her belief in the "Church of Dema-Commie-Kofi-ism" requires that she loosen her grip on the concept of "personal accountabilty".
"That is a mode that's sooo passe, I mean really !

Now for tonights "lib-bits" segment:
Since the sanctions imposed on North Korea started, their great and glorious leader has begun marketing a new item on all of the Al Jazeera and similar networks like CNN, ABC, NBC, MSNBC and of course, right here on yours truly's network. This great and wonderful new technological wonder ? The "Warhead Kozy" ! Check it out late night or just go to for the link.

Finally in our, "Watchoo talkin' 'bout", culture segment, a story so lame that only I could tell it: Knock knock. Who's there ? Juwana. Juwana who ? Juwana know the names they tried for the "I-pod" before it took over the world ? Sure. Well, there was the "me-me-me-me-me-machine" and of course for the hip-hop culture there was the "FUMAN." . We'll let you guess what that meant, ha ha. Goodnight for now and remember that the "Freedom to be correct" segment will return tommorow with Noam Chomsky bringing things back over towards the right from where they've been lately. For now, just call me Katie... suckers... injustice...

Just some headlines I'd like to see...

Heavily Armed Man Pitchforked by Amish Schoolmarm
Iranian Nuke Program Bogged Down by 'I.C.L.U.'
Foley & Frank Elope, Say "Screw the Establishment"
Nurse Beaten by Angry Patients Feigning Comas
Titan Breaks Ankle Attempting to Stomp on Foe
Webb Exposed: "Lets get that F'ing Kike,n-Lover Allen !"
Doc,Springer,Oprah ratings: Zero Point Zero !
Jesse Jackson to Corp World:"To You I give Reparations, I've Been a Real roid, Now Save Your 'Preparations"
Last Known Jihadist Blows-Up Making Bomb
Study Suggests?: Men Right "Sometimes"
Sorros,moveon to world "Sorry, We'll Knock it off "
World Rid of - Child Preds Commit Mass Suicide
Limbaugh Unveils National Monument to Self
Yankees Finish 23rd Straight Campaign in Cellar
Black Helicopter Lands on M Moore/Last Words-"I Told You so"
NY Times Expose:Class. Gov. Docs. Show-"We're Main Threat to National Security". Pelosi Demands Spec. Pros.
Fitzgerald to Libby,Country:"I'm a Dem Hack Fraud"
Study: Capitalism Linked to Prosperity
College Students Everywhere Tar & Feather Faculties
Worlwide "Thank You America Day" Celebration a Success

Drink NEW "Republican Rule-Aid" and your dreams will be that sweet