Wednesday, November 15, 2006

All the Wishy that's fit to Wash

With all of the absurdity that's going on in the world, here's some of the possible news stories.

The AP reported today that the estate of Ayn Rand has siezed on the opportunity presented by all of the "Cut and Run Conservatives" demanding perfect, conservative candidates or they'll hold their collective breath until the congress turns blue.

"I'm just so happy that I can finally unload this thing" said Harry Binswanger, the current man in charge of publishing for the estate. "It's her worst work I must admit but it's got her name on it and there is clearly a new huge segment of the public that have aquired a taste for this sort of thing."
The book,"we the stupid", is the tale of a man, who after experiencing the success of Rands' previous novel's characters in Atlas Shrugged, decides to drop out of the scene and contemplate the full force of his one man "shrug" at the world, which is caused by America not signing the Kioto Accords. Basically, life goes on and the man, Howard Doark, fades into oblivion after getting a real bad neck ache. (I know there were no "accords" even when she died in 1982. I am using my "absurdic license") END

On Monday, Jesse Jackson stormed the grand opening of a new "Ruths' Criss" steakhouse by Rush Limbaugh with requests that Rush debate him on the relative merits of dining at the new steakhouse as opposed to eating at "Red Lobster". Suddenly and inexplicably, Mr. Jackson shouted, "So, ARE YOU A 'STEAKIST' MR. LIMBOW !?!" Rush: "No sir, I am not." This exchange prompted the NY Times to publish a story with the headline,"Limbaugh to Great Civil Rights Leader,'I THOUGHT YOU GUYS LIKED CHICKEN' " Their blog on the incident was headlined with, "Limbaugh uses 'N-word' in Attack on Great Civil Rights Leader". The content of these stories did not mention their own headlines, but they did include the launch codes for several hundred American I.C.B.M.s and there exact locations with diagrams, "Google Maps" links and the fone number to the local Ryder "Gargantuan Flatbed" Rental outlet. Mr. Limbaugh, unbelievably, had no comment in response to the Times. END

The person scheduled to be the house majority leader early next year, Nancy 'Pulloutsi', unvieled the democrat partys' new slogan.
"We're the Left, Snuffing Out Intellectual Diversity From the Halls of Congress, to Every College Campus and Movie Theater and TV Station and Highschool Class and Jr. High and Elementary and Preschool Playground and Library in Existence !"
Pulloutsi, "I love the way it rolls off my tounge !"

Hollywood got in on the act with one of their own. Michael J. Fox (still recovering from vicious attacks by conservatives who had previously launched into personally targeted diatribes like "Uh uh" and "That's not correct" in response to Mr. Fox's pleas for them to stop the mass murder of his fellow handycapables) warmed up (backstage before the proceedings) with several manuevers on the parallel bars and a very impressive speed metal style tap dance routine. Then, as he approached the mic, his disease kicked in and he had to be rolled out to the unvieling. He held up a simple, hand made sign, that looked as though it had been made by a guy with little or no muscle control. "9r8g598uyhgbhk8tyn 3hv" is all it said. His personal translator translated," This is MJ Fox - I Make it Up, Then You Decide". END

Early yesterday, representatives from the moderate republicans, "Cut & Run Conservatives" and the MSM signed a compact, promising to get along for ever more. The agreement, called "The Proxy of the Duped", is being hailed by everyone who was there, as a landmark achievement in the cause to get along. A spokesman for the MSM said, "Wow ! Can you believe how mother$!%*!ing stupid those guys are ? I mean, WOW !!!" A spokeman for the "C&RCs" said, "NO! I ain't leavin' til I get me some grubb ! Hey sissy boy, what does 'proxy' mean anyhow ?" When a leader of the "moderate republicans" was sought, they scattered or hid in the bathrooms, hoping no one would notice, until it was all over and they could come back to see what they had signed so as to know what to say in their press release to be issued the following day. END

I wish I could type better. Haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet ! Will try again tommorow, 2spot -over and out...

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