Sunday, November 19, 2006

Stoned free musings (really)

I was listening to Laura today and started laughing so hard that I lost consiousness. I tell ya, old, advice giving jewish ladies really crack me up. Anyway, next thing I knew I was spinning in circles mumbling, "Help me Mr. Wizard,Help me !" This event apparently transported me through time and definitely into looney land. Here's some of what I saw......

Michael J. Fox was the star of a big jamboree for people whose shortcomings had been cloned away. He and President Hillary, on whose shoulder his head had been grafted while he awaited "adjustments" to his new body, were about to lite the kindling at the bottom of a bonfire placed beneath the bound and gagged super patriots, Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh. Fox spoke. "With this flame, it is passed into law forever and all time, that the 'New and Improved Fairness Doctrine' will be enforced with fire. If anyone convicted under the new 'Anti-Insensitivity' statutes, passes the fire test, they will be free to go. 'Free to go' into the stoning room that is !!!" The crowd roared and swung their many (mutated from failed cloning experiments) limbs around in approval. Just then, 2spotlefty stormed the stage with a buck knife, a fire extinguisher, and a copy of the constitution.... Well, you see how it's going. I saved the day. Got the girl.Yeah me. Blah blah blah

Then, it was sometime in 2009. After the dems had taken ALL offices of government, right down to your dogcatcher.
There was a big signing ceremony for the "We'll Always React Really Really Fast to Attacks on America Act of 2009". President Clinton, "With the signing of this legislation, I have made it possible for all government emergency agencies to immediately begin discussing a plan for how to deal with the fact that Los Angeles is in flames...No applause...please hold your aplause until I finish. These regulations also allow for congress to make a proposal about what to do with Chicago when the 'half life' of the contamination, from our muslim brothers last expression of political disagreement has expired. I look forward to seeing you all next week when our Surgeon General, John Edwards, unvails the results of his promise to make Chris Reed rise from the grave and walk again."

Also in the future, our energy problems are solved when a Stanford phyisicist, successfully connects giant turbine engines, to the spinning corpses of our forefathers.

The big winner at the "Balsys" (the nickname for the annual, "Ted Kennedys, Profiles in Chutzpah" awards show) was once again, Bill Clinton. He also got a lifetime achievment award for his work rewriting the history books for all grades of school.

Future news story: In what is being hailed as a bold move, the entire republican party has converted to the Nation of Islam. Pollsters confirm that it is now a stone cold lock, The GOP won't win a single race. But not one person in the media will say anything critical about them anymore. Former speaker Hastert, "I think it's a win win."

Enough absurdities, I'm gettin' a catscan.

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